You sense that something in your life is not right — a heaviness that does not belong to you. Recurring conflicts that refuse to resolve. A diffuse feeling of not being in your rightful place.
Perhaps the source lies deeper — in your family of origin, in the fates of earlier generations that continue to reverberate within you.
Introduction to constellation work
What is an entanglement?
When a person unconsciously carries and re-enacts the fate, guilt, or secret of someone in their family system, we speak of an entanglement. It can manifest in many ways: in proxy conflicts in relationships or at work, a diffuse inner suffering (“I don’t know where I belong”), illness, recurring painful patterns, or simply a tormenting relationship with one’s mother or father.
Common dynamics
- The interrupted movement towards the mother — “Mum, I missed you so much” — when a physical or emotional separation between mother and child has occurred and the child’s reaching out has turned into mistrust, anger, defiance, helplessness, and numbness.
- Burden-taking — “Let me carry this for you” — when a descendant unconsciously tries to resolve, rescue, or bear something that belongs to an ancestor and can only be carried by that ancestor alone.
- Bringing in the excluded — such as mourning aborted children or forgotten and excluded family members. This can give rise to the compulsion to embody the excluded person in one’s own life and re-enact their fate.
- Level confusion — “I am the big one, you are the small one” — when a descendant does not stand in the place where the blessing flows in their direction.
Important: none of these dynamics are formulaic. Each constellation is and remains unique and unpredictable.
Whence things arise, thence also they pass away, for they render atonement to one another for their injustice according to the ordinance of time.
What is constellation work about?
We become who we are through relationship. The Jewish philosopher Martin Buber describes the depth of human existence: we only become feeling, living subjects through the “Thou,” through relationship. The mother forms the first and most intimate I–Thou bond; the father is initially present only indirectly.
Our family shapes how we feel. What the parents carry within themselves is perceived by the growing child. Our family is thus the origin of all our capacity for relationship and emotional imprint. Feelings do not simply appear as reactions in the body — they stand as a relationship between two people in space, within a larger context with its own inner dynamic.
We live in a world inherited from our ancestors
Especially as small children, we perceive what has happened in the family as a complex emotional impression, and the traces of events can reach far into the past and into earlier generations, whose fate we are unconsciously bound to. When the soul is bound to an event that it painfully and fatefully re-enacts — for instance, by being driven to make visible something that occurred in the family and was emotionally repressed, denied, or inadequately acknowledged — we speak of an entanglement. Entanglements end when what needs to be acknowledged has been acknowledged, and those involved stand in right relation to one another again.
Acknowledgement is the currency of the soul. Systemic family constellation is a method for making visible these bonds, loyalties, and entanglements that live in the emotional body. It reveals how emotional dynamics are unconsciously passed down across generations, mysteriously thwarting the person in the conduct of their life.
What is a family constellation?
In a constellation, the inner image of a family system in relation to a concern is made visible in the room — either through representatives or paper markers. These are placed spontaneously and intuitively in the space and aligned in relation to one another. Emotional truths come to light that are often hidden from conscious thought but deeply felt. Systemic movements take place and resolution sentences are spoken.
A systemic movement is a change of position in the room (standing to the left, right, beside, or facing each other; moving closer or further away) or a physical gesture (making eye contact, looking at the ground, bowing, kneeling, embracing, and so on).
A resolution sentence speaks the actual emotional truth of what happened (“Mum, I missed you so much.”) or acknowledges an order (“I cannot carry this for you.”). Resolution sentences feel liberating and right when they capture what truly occurred.
Systemic movements and resolution sentences can trigger a profound reordering of inner experience — and indeed something like genuine ethical development, because the real consequences of actions become visible beyond abstract debate.
Frequently asked questions
What kinds of concerns can be addressed in a constellation?
Essentially anything that carries real emotional weight — a genuine inner pressure. It is not meaningful to set up a constellation out of mere curiosity without a pressing concern. The concern itself is always an intensely present feeling. It is perfectly fine if at first you can only describe it in vague terms. We will work together in the preliminary conversation and then through the constellation process itself to uncover its core.
Concerns may include:
- Difficult decisions you cannot resolve
- Blockages in your career or success in life
- Recurring issues in your partnership and what lies behind them
- Blockages within an organisation or business
- Suffering caused by illness
- Recurring conflicts
- Dynamics in blended families
- Questions about your relationship with mother or father
- Existential questions about your place in life
Who can set up a constellation?
Anyone who has a personal concern. You can only set up a constellation for your own concern — not for someone else’s, even though experience shows that a constellation can also have effects on others. The only exception: up to the age of 10, a mother may set up a constellation on behalf of her child. Older children and adolescents may commission their own constellations.
How does a systemic constellation work?
I work in individual sessions under professional guidance. We use paper markers that you place intuitively around the room. The process begins with a preliminary phone conversation in which we clarify your concern and set a date. Many clients report that the process already begins to unfold with the decision to do a constellation.
The actual constellation takes place at my practice in Berlin-Schöneberg and typically lasts two to three hours, occasionally longer. Afterwards, I recommend at least 21 days of not talking about the constellation, simply allowing it to work within your inner space. An integration conversation by phone is available after one to two months.
Do you have further questions?
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Systemic Constellation
- Preliminary phone conversation to clarify your concern
- Individual constellation session (2–3 hours, Berlin-Schöneberg)
- Integration conversation after 1–2 months
Free introductory call
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